I can't tell you how many people tell me "I want a marriage like yours." when they see my posts on Facebook, or when they witness a gushy moment between my husband and I. I cringe a bit when I hear this, because I'm on the inside of this marriage...and I promise you...our marriage has NOT been for the faint of heart.
I met Randy when I was 16. It was nearly love at first sight...which is romantic and gushy and lovely...but I was 16. And it was very unhealthy from the start. At the time, I relied completely on boyfriends to define my value and my worth. I was the annoying girl who ALWAYS had a boyfriend or a crush...or should I say dozens of crushes. Basically, if he had 2 legs and a nice looking face, I was interested. Wherever I went, no matter who I was with, my focus was always on finding a cute guy. Before I met Randy, I had been through a few emotionally abusive relationships. I had been sexually abused by a family friend. I was NOT in the right place to start a serious relationship...but I did. And it was amazing. Randy came in like a knight in shining armor. He swept me off my feet. He loved me like no one else ever had. He didn't judge me, he didn't pressure me, he didn't expect me to be anything else. He loved me wholeheartedly just for me. He was everything that I had been looking for. So, I put everything into our relationship. He became my whole world. When you're a teenager, that's super romantic, so all of my friends continually gushed over our relationship. (When you're an adult, you can clearly see how unhealthy that is) We dated very seriously for 3 years, and then we got married 5 months after I graduated high school.When you're a kid trying to function as an adult...it's not romantic...it's HARD. I didn't know the first thing about being a wife. I didn't know what it meant to be submissive. I didn't know what it meant to be responsible. And I certainly didn't know what it meant to put someone else above myself. I was fresh out of high school, and my life goal was to live happily ever after...and that was basically it.
I'm incredibly blessed that God brought me a man who has more patience that I could EVER deserve. Randy has stood beside me for nearly 7 years, holding on for dear life while I know he was praying that God would break me of myself. The two of us have not had an easy marriage. We both have had to overcome a lot of things. Generational curses, addiction, anger, past abuse, bad choices...there was so much working against us. Through the majority of our marriage, I feel like we have been fighting an all out war against the enemy. And I'll be honest...there were many times that I thought he was going to win. But the devil is liar. His goal is to steal, kill and destroy. He has come so many times in so many forms to rob me of my marriage. To destroy this beautiful union that God brought together. The truth is, yes, it started out as an unhealthy relationship...because I, at 16, never knew my true worth. I never figured it out that my value is NOT found in boyfriends or earthly affection. My value and my worth comes from Christ. It's taken me years to learn how to put my worth in Christ. I still struggle with it, to be honest. It's so easy to find our value in our marriage. I know I've put massive amounts of pressure on Randy over the years to meet that need in me, and he can't fill it. That's a need that only God can meet. When we try to place our value in a person, it will never be enough. I wish I had learned that years ago. It certainly would've saved me a lot of pain.
So, yes, I dote on my husband a lot. I talk about him on Facebook and my blog. I gush over him. I am CRAZY for that man. It's not fake. I don't post our date nights and fun memories to make it look like my life is better than it is. I genuinely just LOVE to dote over that man. He deserves the world for sticking it out with me. But don't mistake our happy moments for a perfect marriage, because we have walked through fire together.
I have to laugh, because in October we will celebrate our 7 year anniversary. 7 years in marriage, is known as "the 7 year itch" where couples supposedly get restless and have a marital crisis. I actually think that 7 years for us is going to be the best anniversary yet. It has taken us 7 years to shake off all of the baggage that came with us when we started this journey. I feel things shifting for us. A yoke has been broken and God's plan for our marriage will not be shaken. That's my declaration for our marriage this year. I hope that if your story is similar to mine, that you continue on in your journey. There have been many times in the past where I truly believed that nothing would ever change...and the truth is that God can change anyone if they are willing to surrender to Him.
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