1. Leave and Cleave - This is a topic I learned from personal experience. Leave the in laws (on both sides) out of your marriage. Trust me, it gets messy when you involve the opinions of parents. You left your family to cleave to your spouse. It can be extremely hard to set boundaries with family, but it can have a pretty negative impact on your marriage if you don't make those boundaries very clear. And a word of advice, the sooner you set those boundaries - the better. ;)
2. Fight Fair - I can not stress to you how important this boundary is. For several years my husband and I did NOT fight fairly. We didn't learn how to fight fair until counseling, and once we started to apply it, it was a total game changer! What is fair fighting? Fighting fair is simply laying out "rules" for when you disagree. Here are ours - No "below the belt" comments/insults. No yelling or shouting. No swearing or saying "shut up". We also have a time limit for disagreements. When we feel the heat start to rise, we put a cap on it at 15 minutes, and we go cool off. We also use "I feel when" statements (can you tell I've been in counseling?) ;) This just helps put feelings to actions and it bridges the communication gap.
3. Have Accountability - Password protected phones, computers and social media accounts are a dangerous road. It's an invitation for trouble. If you don't feel comfortable sharing your password with your spouse, chances are you are dabbling in something that is harmful to your marriage. That saying "what's mine is yours" should absolutely apply to your passwords.
4. No Trash Talking - I've touched on this topic before, but it bears repeating. It is SO important to avoid trashing your spouse to other people. Number one - when you get married, you become one body. So, when you are trashing your spouse...you are ultimately trashing yourself. You are polluting your mind with toxic thoughts, which can lead to dangerous territory. Number 2 - venting about your spouse, especially to a member of the opposite sex, is like throwing fuel on a flame. You are asking for trouble. It's never a good idea to invite another man or woman into the business of your marriage.
5. No Pornography - Some women are completely fine with their man getting hot and heavy over a computer screen. I am NOT one of those women. It may seem harmless, because those naked women are not "real" (so we tell ourselves) or maybe it doesn't bother some wives as long as he doesn't physically cheat...but whatever the reason is that married couples bring pornography into the home, it's a lie. Porn will KILL your marriage. It sets up unrealistic expectations, it creates insecurities and it creates separation not only between spouses, but between you and God. Sex was designed by God to be enjoyed by man and wife. TWO people. When you mess with God's design, you are asking for trouble. God designed sex to be sacred and intimate. Porn is vulgar, dirty and perverted. The devil takes God's creation and he twists it. He has done that with pornography. He has taken sex, a beautiful experience meant to be had between a man and a wife...and he has twisted it, turning into a mockery. Pornography mocks the very thing that sex was created to be. Even if your spouse isn't physically cheating, the Bible tells us to lust after another is to commit adultery in your heart. Set that boundary with your spouse. Protect not only your marriage, but your mind as well. This is a VERY common issue, even in Christian households. Please don't be ashamed if you or your spouse has struggled in this area. If you need some accountability, a fantastic place to start is here
These are the boundaries that have been set in our marriage, and I will tell you that they are a game changer for sure!
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