Marriage Counseling: Why it's a good thing to go

When you hear the words "We're going to marriage counseling." your mind probably imagines the worst case scenario between a husband and wife. We tend to associate marriage counseling with a highly dysfunctional, on the brink of divorce, hot mess of a couple. But why? Why have we created such a negative mindset about such a healthy thing? The lie: Marriage counseling is for people whose marriage is completely falling apart. The truth: Marriage counseling is for people who want a happy, healthy and functional marriage. Because you don't have to be on the brink of divorce to get some advice. (But if you ARE, marriage counseling is STILL an awesome thing!)

I was once that person who completely put off marriage counseling because my pride got in the way. I didn't want to be one THOSE couples. I had a seriously warped view of marriage counseling. I thought it was for weak couples who couldn't solve their own problems, but it turns out that it's WAY harder to sit in your issues than it is to go get help and fix them. Take it from someone who knows, small issues only stay small for so long. Here are my 3 reasons for going to marriage counseling...

1) It Creates Accountability - I know for some people this can be hard. I tend to be one of those people who wants all my baggage to stay a nice little secret. The thought of telling a complete stranger your deepest secrets can be intimidating. Asking for help is very hard for me, but when I finally got over myself...it was amazing. It's incredible to go into counseling and have someone check up on us. It's a wonderful (and sometimes painful thing) to have someone say "You can't keep doing that and expect good results." Someone to put me in my place in love. I want to emphasize the IN LOVE part. It is NOT a counselor's job to condemn you. A good counselor is neutral and never accuses, but simply suggests and points you in the right direction. I also strongly suggest a Christian counselor if you are a believer. Having a third party there to pray with us, encourage us and give us Godly council is an amazing blessing. And one I am no longer ashamed to admit. :)

2) It's Eye Opening - Let me tell you, there is nothing more motivating than hearing the true feelings of your spouse poured out in counseling. Sometimes things are said with the safety of a counselor present, that wouldn't otherwise be said. Sometimes having your eyes opened to the true feelings underneath it all, gives you the motivation to tweak a few things.

3) It's Healthy - When you're sick, you take medicine. If you don't take medicine, the infection gets worse and you only get sicker. Marriage is similar. Sometimes a paper cut can seem minor, but if it gets infected, over time it can turn into something significant. Going to marriage counseling doesn't have to be a big significant and shameful thing. It's a healthy thing. It means that you're trying. It means that you are taking your wedding vows seriously, and you're doing all that you can to create a happy marriage. If we're being honest with ourselves - we ALL have moments in our marriages when we could use some advice from a third party. There's no shame in admitting that!

When I first started going to marriage counseling, I was very ashamed. I felt that it meant I had failed somehow. But, that was a lie from the devil. It actually meant the exact opposite. I hadn't failed. I was going to marriage counseling so that I would NOT fail, but in fact succeed in my marriage. And you know what? It has been a truly inspirational and eye opening experience. I've learned new things about my husband, and I've learned new things about myself. I've learned new ways to communicate that help us function better as a couple. And guess what? Most of the things that need tweaking are pretty simple. Not easy. But simple. We tend to over complicate things when we try to fix our issues by ourselves with no outside help.

So, if you're like me and you know that there may be a few areas in your marriage that you could use some advice on...go for it. Don't let small things evolve into big things. That's my two cents...from someone who's been there. Marriage counseling can be a game changer if you let it. :)