I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years. Our story is a little unique, because I was so young when we met. I fell in love with him at the age of 16. We were inseparable from the moment we met. Many people hear our story and say "I wish I could have that." I laugh every time I hear that, because my truthful response is "No, you don't." Yes, Randy and I have a strong love...but it's only strong, because it has been put through the ringer. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have failed that man. The ONLY thing that separates us from any other divorced couple is that we kept going. We refused to quit. Believe me when I say, there were plenty of times when we both wanted to.
Here's what I've learned just recently - talking to God about your problems is so much more effective than talking to people about them. You can trash your spouse all you want to your mom, sister, friend, ect...but the only thing that will do is drive you further from loving him. Trash talking your spouse creates resentment. We must be careful of the words we speak, because the more we say them...the more true they become. If you continually speak negatively of your husband, your feelings toward him will turn into negative feelings. I know this from experience.
I can't stress enough how important it is to shut off those negative voices and PRAY for your spouse. When he has deeply hurt you, when you feel neglected, when you feel like he doesn't care...PRAY. Even if all you can do is weep before the Lord, just do it.
I used to rely on Randy to meet my every need. I was extremely codependent, and truthfully, it's very easy for me to become that way even still. I have had to learn to take some of the pressure off of Randy and give it over to God. I have had to allow GOD to meet my needs where Randy couldn't. I'm still learning to do that.
If there's anything I've learned in my journey of fighting for my marriage, it's the power of prayer. Taking the time to pray for Randy every day has literally changed my life. It doesn't take long to start working. After a couple of days of praying, I began to notice a change in the whole flow of our household. I noticed a change in ME. I was suddenly feeling much more positive and uplifted, which came through in my actions. I woke up feeling happy after my prayer time. There was a sense of satisfaction that I hadn't had in a long time. As I started to change, I saw my husband change. All of the things that I was praying for started to show.
I started loving Randy in a way that I never had before. I ask God to give me eyes to see Randy the way that HE saw Randy. And He did.
I want to make it very clear that I am not an expert at how to have a happy marriage. I have made just about every wrong decision you can make in a marriage. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me enough to stick around while I learn how to be a good wife. Getting married at 19 years old, I have literally had to learn as I go, and he has been extremely patient with me. I just wanted to share this with you today, because if you've walked where I've walked...if you feel like there's zero chance of having a great and healthy marriage...there is hope. And it starts with prayer. :)
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